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The First, Best Thing Isn’t Your Belief
“I believe you,” isn’t the ideal response that you’ve been taught it is.
You want to do the right thing. And your friend/sister/partner may sense your willing spirit. They want to share their story without feeling judged. But they worry about being “too much”. In the past, they’ve been told to “get over it,” that they are making a “big deal” or are “too sensitive”. It happens a lot. You may know this. And you want to be different. But the first, best thing you can do for the sexual abuse survivor in your life isn’t to say “I believe you,”.
In the past, their experience hasn’t always mattered.
Friends looked away. Folks from church changed the subject. Family was silent. The facts of the abuse may have been the focal point, instead of the survivor’s experience. They may have been urged to press charges or make a complaint. Lawyers and law enforcement officials may have been involved.
Survivors have often felt the public outrage of their abuse but less their own power as a survivor.
Yet, survivors need to feel powerful. Power and control was taken from them in a painful way. Perhaps even more than once. Your “I believe you,” is a sentence that not only takes power away from them (again) but also ends their…
