The One Big Little Thing Survivors Need To Know About Sex

“Since my first ‘sexual’ experience was sexual abuse, I have never once been able to have an orgasm while having sex.”

Sexual abuse can have long term effects on physical health and emotional wellness.

The more early childhood trauma you were exposed to, the higher your risk for health and wellness challenges later on. But less well known is how past sexual abuse affects intimacy. I have been working with survivors for almost fifteen years and have heard anecdotally about survivor intimacy issues for just as long. This is an area where there is little hard data, however. So I conducted some research that looked at exactly this issue.

One of the first people to share some of their story with me was “Jane”. Like so many abuse survivors, Jane is alone with her pain. But here’s the one big little thing Jane needs to know now: there’s nothing wrong with her.

Her inability to orgasm during sex is common. (Also common are flashbacks, pain during sex, lack of desire and an inability to get aroused.) So what’s going on? There are many possible reasons for a lack of orgasm. Let’s look at four biggies:

1. Vulnerability: Brene Brown says, “Of all the things that trauma takes away from us, the worst is our…